The tears that were never shed - P2 - Toastmasters

Good afternoon Fellow Toastmasters!!!

This is the 1^st time a speech that will be dedicated  only to all men in the room.How many men in the hall have have heard these lines “ Don’t cry you need to be brave”  “Be a man , don’t cry like a girl”.   And when a girl cries she doesn’t hear the same.

Turns out humans are the only animals who can cry when they are emotional.. Research says that emotional tears contain stress hormones, our bodies own way to push out these hormones and thus can crying can stabilize your mood , by making you less angry or less sad.

How many of you believe that only women can cry and men cannot.  Turns out it is true. Only that our culture  does not give the freedom for men to cry.I am going to be 25 soon and I have seen my mom cry every quarter , that’s almost 100 times now, and I saw my dad cry only once in my 25 yrs. And that too he cried only theoretically.

Everyone has those moments in your life when you wanted to cry very badly, but, only left with a mass of lump in your throat and could not cry.I can remember two such instances when I wanted to cry but could not cry. One was when I broke up with my girlfriend, the second time was on the day of Holi in sumerpur when I was the only person in the whole colony to left alone.

There is one incident that actually made me write this whole speech, was an incident that happened 7 years ago. When my cousin brother was leaving to Scotland to pursue his masters. It was the 1^st time realized how difficult it is for men  to cry.

I accompanied my uncle and aunt to send off my brother to the airport as a coolie only to carry the luggage. My Aunt like my mom was very emotional , they both share the same genes.  But my uncle was like a big daddy. I have always found airports to be very emotional place, lets blame the Bollywood for it. So, when I brother came back to wave the final good bye with the boarding pass, my aunts tear tank started overflowing. I wanted to move away from that drama, as I started walking way I saw my uncle , the big daddy, with swollen red eyes. Tear drops were just hanging in the eyelids but not wanting to come out. Again theoretically he did cry but practically he did not cry. 

Very clearly he wanted to cry, but he was afraid if cries he would be branded as weak and emotional and clearly big daddy cant afford that right ? Masculinity is not something men are born with. The expectations are fixed by the society artificially. We have been conditioned to fit into gender roles for so long, resultantly we suppress our real feelings, needs as well as desires.  Due to the rules set by the society and fear of rejection, men and women often suppress the qualities inherent in them. No matter what the stereotypes say, the truth is men do get emotional often. Not all men can remain strong at all times. They do cry. They do feel scared.

Please don’t see men as men and see them as humans. And don’t ever utter that line to your child “be a man , don’t cry like a girl”. You are going to make his life stressful for the rest of his years.

We often relate emotions with gender but aren’t emotions universal ?  

"So next time life gives you lemons, squeeze your eyes and cry you  will feel better.  "